#RapeCulture

Approximately a week ago, I came across a thread of tweets that read the following . . .

I was immediately upset. I couldn’t understand how anyone in their right mind wouldn’t understand how this particular mindset is toxic. After taking a few seconds to calm down I realized that yelling at him in all caps via Twitter wouldn’t do anything. In his mind, he didn’t do anything wrong since he didn’t directly rape her, but . . . he did.

In my 19 years of living, this isn’t the first time that I’ve seen or even heard something similar to this.  My entire adolescent life I’ve been repeatedly told things such as:

“Don’t wear too much lipstick”, ” Don’t paint your fingernails red”, “Don’t move your hips too much while dancing”, “Don’t show too much skin, ” Don’t drink too much,

The craziest one being: “Don’t smile or laugh too much around guys”.

But ….why? Why is it that women have to be so cautious when it comes to doing something as little deciding between lipstick colors?

The answer is actually pretty simple, our society is so misogynistic that women get held more accountable for being raped than the rapist does for actually raping.  In the comment section under almost every article that I have read regarding sexual abuse, I see at least one comment saying something along the line of “If she wouldn’t have (insert scenario) she wouldn’t have gotten raped”. Tell that to the many women who get assaulted while fully clothed or even the people who were abused as children.

This method of thinking is so toxic, to not only society but also sexual assault victims. Rapists rape because they enjoy the power that comes from it. It has absolutely nothing to do with what the victim was wearing or how late she decided to stay at a party.

Think about how you would feel if your daughter had just been sexually assaulted at a party, and someone told her “If you didn’t want to go out with your friends so much, you wouldn’t have gotten raped.”I’m assuming it’s not a pretty picture. 

Women should not have to be on defense 24/7 about wanting to have a drink, or wanting to wear a dress that shows off their figure, or even wanting to kiss a male. None of these things are an invitation for sexual advances without consent. It honestly does not matter if she’s walking down the street naked, unless you have consent, it is rape.

It’s important to think about this on a daily basis. Even as a woman, I tend to judge other women without even being aware that I’m doing so. There have been several times where I have to check myself for being at a party and side-eyeing a girl simply because of the way that she is dancing.

Me being #ProHoe isn’t because I support women having sex with 500,000 people at once, it’s because I support women having the choice to do so. There are already so many societal regulation in  regards to what is “acceptable” for women to do and I refuse to contribute to that.

#MelaninPoppin

Several times I have been asked questions like…
“Why are you constantly advocating for black women?”

“Why do you read so many black feminist books and articles?”

The answer to both of those questions is very simple.

 

 

 

From as long as I can remember, all I can recall hearing while growing up was negative portrayals of black women. “Black women are loud”

“Black women are gold diggers”

“Black women are always angry”

Yet, I think the most common phrase that shaped the majority of my mindset during my pre-teen and adolescent years was “black women are ugly.”

Being an African American girl with a darker skin tone, I was quickly exposed to the amount of internalized racism within the African American community. The “lighter skinned vs darker skinned” debate is a concept too familiar to me.

 Even now in the year 2016, it is still very evident in the black community. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve been told that I was “pretty for a dark-skinned girl”, I would be rich.

Just recently while scrolling on the popular social networking site Twitter, I came across a few tweets that triggered very emotional responses from me.

I want to say that I was surprised by the  fact that these ignorant comments came from men who are African American themselves, but I was not. A lot of the disrespect towards black women comes from other black women or black men.

The only time that I can truly say that I see black women being praised is when it is either sexual or comes with stipulations.

By stipulations, I’m referring to the fact that a lot of the time that black women are called Queens it is because they fit a specific description that appeals to the male population.  I almost never see women who aren’t necessarily societies idea of “conservative” or “traditional” being referred to as queens.

Black women are constantly degraded and belittled to nothing more than sexual objects. I’ve heard “black girls have the fattest asses” way more than I’ve heard “black women are intelligent.” This ideology dates back to Saartjie Baartman. (refer below)

Video vixens like Miracle Watts and Lira Galore often are praised and disrespected in the same breath. One might try to argue and say that they are “hoes with nice bodies” but more often than not, black women from all backgrounds are constantly disrespected.

When pro-black feminism movements like “melanin popping” and “black girl magic” became prevalent, several people responded in a negative way.

When black women finally start to accept and love themselves in their natural state, they are persecuted and looked down upon.

  
Why is it that people feel so threaten when black women finally exhibit confidence in a society where they are otherwise deemed ugly?

The bottom line is that there is so much internalized racism and self-hatred within the black community. Even with all of the progress we have made as a race, there is still much to be made.

What It Means to be #ProHoe

Although sexual liberation for women is not a new concept, recently it has been swarming popular culture more than ever.  Social networking sites such as Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, and others have become a platform for what is referred to as the “Pro-Hoe” movement. Celebrities with a significant following have recently gotten on board as well. Beyonce, who is one of the most influential artists of all time ( don’t argue with me) broke the internet when she released her 2014 self-titled and highly controversial album Beyonce. What was so controversial about it?  The album featured many sexual explicit lyrics, a complete 360 from 2001 “Nasty Girl” Beyonce.

Nasty Girl- Destiny’s Child:

Shakin’ that thang on that man, lookin’ all stank and nasty
Swore you look cute girl in them dukes, booty all out lookin’ trashy
Sleazy put some clothes on, I told ya
Don’t walk out ya heezy without clothes on, I told ya
You nasty girl, you nasty you trashy
You classless girl, you sleazy you freaky

Lyrics from Partition (Beyonce)

Now my mascara running, red lipstick smudged
Oh he so horny, yeah he want to fuck
He popped all my buttons, and he ripped my blouse
He Monica Lewinsky-ed all on my gown

At the time that Nasty Girl was released, Beyonce was only 20 years old, which may have played a part in her choice of lyrics for the song. Partion was released when Beyonce was 33 years old. Personally, I believe that as we mature, our mindsets change. Why is this though?

From a young age, girls are taught that the way to get a guy is to play hard to get. “Guys want what they can’t have.” Therefore as they get older, that becomes the standard for what is acceptable. The girl with the least amount of partners= marriage material. The whole “virgin=purity” concept is socially constructed. More than an “acceptable” number of partners= no self respect. I put the word acceptable in quotation marks because is there really a such thing as a number that automatically means a woman has no respect? Self respect simply means having pride and confidence in oneself. With that being said, who am I to tell anyone else how much respect they have for themselves?  Sure there are women who use sex to cope with internal issues, but what about the women who just enjoy the act? 

“Oh, she engages in casual sex so there is no way  she loves herself, she must have low self esteem.”
Looking at it from a realistic standpoint, women desire sex. Although scientifically speaking men have higher sex drives, women still desire sex. My only question is: Why is that such a hard concept for society to grasp? Why was the entire world so amazed at Beyoncé being so open about her sexuality? I’ll tell you what I personally believe is the answer. One example would be the “Rihanna vs Beyoncé” debate. Beyoncé is looked at as the “good girl” . . .married and fairly private (for an entertainer), while Rihanna is the “hoe who is trying to hard to act like a man”.  Why? Rihanna’s contribution to the music industry defies traditional gender roles. Of course she is not the first female to express her sexuality, however, she is one of the first with an extremely large following to do so. Between her “risqué” clothing and explicit lyrics, Rihanna is definitely one of the biggest faces of this Third Wave of Feminism.

   

Lyrics from Needed Me-Rihanna

“You was good on the low for a faded fuck, on some faded love. Don’t get it twisted, you was just another nigga on the hit list.” 

Whether we like to admit it or not, the fight for equality between men and women hasn’t made as much progress as we think. There are still several people with the traditional values that women can either be smart or sexual, no in between.

 “Be more like Ayesha Curry and less like Amber Rose.” 

What exactly makes Amber Rose worth less than Ayesha Curry? She’s a published author, actress, as well as an anti-rape activist. In what biology textbook does it say “If a woman likes sex, she can’t be successful”? 

Bottom line, there’s nothing wrong with a woman liking sex, casual or not.